What Do You Mean?

What a woman says, what she really means..

– I need = I want
– We need = I want
– It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
– Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
– We need to talk = I need to complain
– Sure…go ahead = I don’t want you to
– I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
– You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
– You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
– I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
– Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
– This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
– I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper…
– I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
– I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
– Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
– How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really going to hate
– I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
– Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
– You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
– Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead
– Yes = No
– No = No
– Maybe = No
– I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
– I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
– Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
– Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
– I’m not yelling! = Of course I’m yelling, this is important!

What a man says, what he really means…
– I’m hungry = I’m hungry
– I’m tired = I’m tired
– Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
– Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
– Would you like to dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
– Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
– Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
– You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
– What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
– You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
– Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
– Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn’t even look different!
– I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go!

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