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A little girl says, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
“Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied.
As she is sitting on grand dad’s lap she says, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”
“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog.”
The girl says, “Grandpa, will you please please MAKE a sound like a frog?”
Perplexed, her grand dad says, “Sweet heart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?”
And the little girl says, “‘Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we’re going to Florida!”
One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.
The ant asked, “What do I get in return?”
The elephant replied, “If you get it out, I’ll have sex with you.”
So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says “OK it’s out, are you ready?”.
The elephant thinks, “Hey, what’s a little ant gonna do anyways?” The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant’s head.
“Ouch” screams the elephant, and the ant responds, “Yeah take it all bitch.”
A Charlotte, NC man having purchased a box of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost “in series of small fires”.
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason; that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The man sued……and won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed that the claim was frivolous.
He stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what is considered to be, “unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000.00 for the rare cigars he had lost in the “fires”.
HERE COMES THE BEST PART!!
After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.
Two elephants walk off a cliff…… boom boom!
Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were born blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt
you. I’ve been blind since birth, so I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.” “It’s quite OK,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you…” “Oh, that would be wonderful” replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.” “Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.” So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management”