Well, When Moses was on earth back then he was given the Ten Commandments but he was not told actually what he should do with them.
He took them to England and confronted a Pom and asked, “Would you like a Commandment?”
The Pom replied, “What’s a Commandment?”
Moses took a tablet and read, “Thou Shalt Not Steal!”
The Pom replied, “Piss off, we don’t want any of that here!”
Moses went to America and confronted a Yank with the same question, “Would you like a Commandment?”
The Yank replied, “What’s a Commandment?”
Moses took a tablet and read, “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery!”
The Yank replied, “Bug off, we don’t want any of that here!”
And so Moses went on his way around the world always getting the same response until he arrived in Jerusalem.
Moses confronted a Jew with the same question, “Would you like a Commandment?”
The Jew replied, “How Much Are They?”
Moses replied, “Well….they’re free!”
The Jew replied, “THEN I’LL TAKE TEN!”
Following the alleged volcanic eruption in Iceland which has caused air travel delays in UK….
Alleged because some believe that Iceland is burning all evidence of its national debit to UK and hence the fumes of clouds. Or maybe they are paying back the UK with ASH and not CASH.
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R &R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London.
The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
Could I please sit in that seat?” he asked. The lady was insulted. “You bloody Americans are so rude,” she said. “Can’t you see my dog is sitting there?” He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
Lady, I love dogs – have a couple at home – so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down, he said. The lady replied, “You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant too.” He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, “Lady, I’ve been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?” The lady replied, “You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious!”
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.
“Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady’s description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand,and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.”
Following the demise of Portsmouth FC into administration, there is some more bad news for the whole of UK…
Gary Lineker will make a sensational return to international football to help ease England’s striker shortage for the World Cup qualifier against Ukraine at Wembley.
The 49-year-old England legend, who scored 48 goals in 80 appearances for his country and was top scorer at the 1986 World Cup finals in Mexico, announced his decision to stunned media.
“I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I really think I have something to offer to Fabio Capello and England,” Lineker said.