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Lineker to make shock England return

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Gary Lineker will make a sensational return to international football to help ease England’s striker shortage for the World Cup qualifier against Ukraine at Wembley.

The 49-year-old England legend, who scored 48 goals in 80 appearances for his country and was top scorer at the 1986 World Cup finals in Mexico, announced his decision to stunned media.

“I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I really think I have something to offer to Fabio Capello and England,” Lineker said.

http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/01042009/58/lineker-shock-england-return.html

BROWN REFUSES TO HAND BACK PENSION

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GORDON Brown last night dismissed calls to surrender his £123,000 a year pension when he is forced to stop being prime minister next June.

You pay for his house too

You pay for his house too

Mr Brown was defiant in the face of City outrage despite the UK government’s annual operating loss of £100bn, rising to £1.5 trillion when the write-down of its banking assets is taken into account.

The prime minister said: “I’ve been building up this pension since I became an MP, it’s all completely legal and now you want to take it away because I’ve been catastrophically bad at my job and you’re looking for a scapegoat. What gives?”

He added: “Yes I’ve been in charge of financial regulation for 12 years, yes I encouraged the housing bubble, and yes I pissed billions up the wall giving pointless jobs to Labour voters, but I fail to see what any of this has to do with me being incredibly well off.”

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Unforunate names

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According to Yahoo Article/….

In the UK: Stan Still, Helen Back, Doug Hole, Terry Bull, Tim Burr, Rose Bush, Pearl Button, Will Power, Barry Cade, Mary Christmas, Chris Cross, Teresa Green, Ray Gunn, Jo King, Sonny Day, Justin Case, Lee King and Max Power.

In the US found these: Bill Board, Anna Prentice, Annette Curtain and my personal favourite Carrie Oakey.

Additions : Hazel Nutt, Penny Black, Russell Sprout, Rosie Balls, Holly Day, Harry Balls, Jo King, Gaynor Hardon

The Geography of Men and Women

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The Geography of a Woman

Between the ages of 18 – 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 – 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 – 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 – 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 – 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 – 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 – 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair’s a women really).

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 – 90 a man is like Zimbabwe – ruled by a dick.

2012 Olympic Stadium

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Due to the credit crunch (aka recession – oooer dirty word), the UK government has decided to cut back spending on the Olympic Stadium and plans have been amended so that the new stadium will look like this…
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