The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, “‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor’”.

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”.

Children, Education | Email to a friend | 42 views

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”
“Very good, William,” said the teacher.
“My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther.
“Oh, that’s nice,” replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. “I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.”
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, “And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?”
” It’ll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.”

Little Johnny | Email to a friend | 76 views

A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?”

Tim stood up and proudly said “She’s a doctor.”

“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?”

Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said “My father is a mailman.”

“Thank you, Amy” said the teacher. “What does your parent do, Billy?”

Billy proudly stood up and announced “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.”

The teacher was aghast and went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy’s dad said “I’m actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”

Technology | Email to a friend | 56 views

A little boy is doing his math homework and while he’s working out his sums he says to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…”
His mother hears what he’s saying and gasps, “What are you doing?”
“I’m doing my maths homework.” The boy replies.
“And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asks.
“Yes,” he answers.
Infuriated, the next day the mother asks the teacher, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
“He’s learning addition.” The teacher replies.
“And are you teaching him to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?” Ask the mother?
After the teacher stops laughing, she answers, “No. No. What I taught him was, two plus
two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

Misc | Email to a friend | 118 views

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth?
Fred: I don’t know, Sir.
Teacher: Come on, Fred, it has something to do with an apple.
Fred: Granny Smith?

Quickies | Email to a friend | 109 views