Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?”
“But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!”
“Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do those kind of things to women”.
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue”.
Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!”
“But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, “What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot”. The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,”Wow, he’s a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button…Va-voom”.. The third man married a school teacher.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Poor guy, she’s pretty but teachers are just too frigid”. The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher’s husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse’s husband wanting breakfast. The nurse’s husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man’s pyjamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, “What happened sir? You married a nurse. The man sourly replies, “Son, don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, ” You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary”.
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again. The telephone operator’s husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man’s hair and pyjamas were properly combed and pressed. Dave asked,” What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices”.
The man sourly replies “Son, don’t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, “You’re three minutes are up, your three minutes are up”.
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband would be calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher’s husband called for breakfast. Dave can’t believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.
Dave fearing the worst, asked “What happened to you? Did you have a fight?”
The man smiled and happily replied, “No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying “We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right”.
One day at school, little Johnny’s teacher said, “Let’s play a game. I will put a piece of candy in your mouth and you tell me what it is” the teacher exclaimed.
So the teacher walked up to Mary and told her, “Close your eye’s and I’ll put the piece of candy in your mouth”. Little Mary did so.
“A cherry flavored Jolly Rancher,” Mary exclaimed.
The teacher said, “Very good Mary”.
So the teacher went up to Tommy and put a piece of peppermint candy in his mouth. Tommy replied, “A piece of peppermint candy..
“Very good Tommy,” Said the teacher.
So then the teacher walked up to Sid and put a Hershey’s Kiss in his mouth. Sid said, “I don’t know what it is?”
The teacher said, “It’s what your mom gives your dad before they go to bed”
Little Johnny jumps up and says, “Spit it out, it’s a piece of ass!”
A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses.
She starts her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up.”
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”
“No, ma’am,” he says, “but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.”
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