There was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town. He decided that he wasn’t happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.

A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice. His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. ‘Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.’

Then she asked him, ‘What part hurt the most? Was it when they cut off your penis or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?’

He said ‘Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for so long. What hurt the most was when they drilled a hole in my head and pumped out half of my brains!’

President George W Bush

ON HIMSELF

“They misunderestimated me.”
Bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000

“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right.” Rome, 22 July, 2001

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on… shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.”
Nashville, Tennessee, 17 September, 2002

“There’s no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead.”
Washington DC, 11 May, 2001

“I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me.”
Nashville, Tennessee, 27 May, 2004

FOREIGN AFFAIRS

“For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times.”
Tokyo, 18 February, 2002
Read more »

While speaking to the Hoover Institution today, Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was asked this question:

“Could you tell us why to date at least the Administration doesn’t favor direct talks with the North Korean government? After all, we’re talking with the French.”

The Secretary smiled and replied:

“I’m not going there!”

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

Where have you been? demanded his wife when he entered the house.

Darling, replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”