Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there’s no soap. Father John says, “I’ve got some soap in my room I’ll go and get it.”
Not bothering to dress he walks back to his room, thinking it’s late no one will see me.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand and heads back to the showers. Halfway down the hall he sees three nuns heading his way so he freezes like a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like the status looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his dick. Startled the priest drops a bar of soap “Oh look” says the nun, “its a soap dispenser.”
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his dick sure enough he drops the second bar of soap. The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells! “Mary, Mother of God – It gives Hand cream as well!”
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,”
“At least, they’re finally together”.
A man standing next to the priest asks, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?”
The priest says, “I mean her legs”.
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home.
The father told the mother, “If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.
He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said, “Damn! It’s even worse than I ever imagined…”
“What do you mean?” his wife inquired.
“He’s gonna be a politician.” the father replied.
One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball into the woods. When he went to retrieve it, he found that it had hit a small man in green tights.
I’m so sorry! the man said.
Don’t worry about it. Anyway, you caught me. I’m a leprechaun and you have managed to stop me. You get three wishes.
Oh, no, I don’t want the wishes. Just as long as you’re okay. The leprechaun thought the man was so nice he decided to grant three wishes for him. He gave him unlimited money, terrific health, and a great sex life. The man came back to the golf course the next year and recognized that same leprechaun.
How’re you doing? asked the leprechaun.
Oh, terrific. Every time I stick my hand in my pocket a 100 dollar bill comes out and I’ve eaten nothing but Snickers bars for a year and I’m at my ideal weight and can run a mile faster than anyone.
How’s your sex life? asked the leprechaun.
Fantastic! I’m up to twice a week now!
Twice a week? Why so little? I gave you a great sex life wish!
Hey, it’s not bad for a priest!