Posted in Little Johnny

In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny what is the matter?”

Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

Unga Bunga

Posted in Misc

This guy is walking through the Amazon. He’s exhausted his food and water supplies and is starving. When he thinks he just can’t go on, he finds himself surrounded by a tribe of cannibals, all with huge loin-cloths that can’t hide their even huge dicks. The man is taken to the village, given food and water, and is then brought before the chieftain. The chief, who has the largest dick in the village, says to him: “Right, white man. We are going to give you a choice. You can either be roasted and eaten alive or experience Unga Bunga.”

The man, obviously not stupid, first asks what Unga Bunga is. “It consists of being fucked in the ass by all members of the tribe, white man,” the chief replies with a huge grin.

After thinking it over, the man decides to go for the butt-fuck. So he kneels down and all the men line up behind him and fuck him till he’s screaming with pain. After a couple of hours the torture stops and the man is free to go. Bleeding from his ass he crawls off into the rainforest. A couple of days later he’s lost. No food, no water. His ass has healed by now, but what good will that do him?

At night he’s discovered by another tribe, who take him to their village. Again he is given the choice between death and Unga Bunga. And again, after much consideration, he chooses Unga Bunga. All night long the cannibals have their way with him and in the morning he’s free to go. The next day the man – lost, starving and about to die is AGAIN taken capture, this time by a tribe with dicks that touch the ground. AGAIN he’s given the choice: death or Unga Bunga. Deciding he’s had enough and won’t be raped again, the man says to the chief: “Go ahead. Burn me, eat me. I’m ready to die.” The chief, much impressed by the man’s bravery, replies: “All right, white man. But first…..UNGA BUNGA!

Tennis Balls

Posted in Blondes

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.

What are those big bulges in your running shorts? she asked.

Tennis balls, answered the man, smiling back.

Wow, said the blonde, looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable.”

Three Buttons

Posted in Misc

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but found it to be occupied.

The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face. “Sir,” she said, “the ladies’ restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.”

He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: “WW”, “WA”, and “PP”, and there was one red button labeled “ATR.”

Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn’t just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the “WW” button. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The men’s restroom didn’t have nice things like this.

Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the “WA” button. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the “PP” button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies’ room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy.

He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.

“What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies’ restroom on a flight to Atlanta!”

“You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. “That last button marked “ATR” is an automatic tampon remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

Hot Temper-ature

Posted in Misc

Big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.” After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After the nurse inserted the thermometer, she announced, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room. “What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”

After a pause, the doctor confesses, “Well, no. I guess I haven’t. Not with a carnation anyway.”