In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting as if he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Charlie! What are you doing?”

Charlie replied, “Can’t talk right now….I’m driving to Chicago!”

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Charlie, how are you doing?”

Charlie says, “I’m exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest.”

“That’s great,” replied the nurse, “I’m glad you had a safe trip.” The nurse leaves Charlie’s room, and goes across the hall into Fred’s room, and finds Fred sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With suprise she asks, “Fred what are you doing!?”

To which Fred replies, “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife. He’s in Chicago!”

“What do you do?” a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.
“I’m a nurse.”
“I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me,” he whispered in her ear.
“That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward.”

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but found it to be occupied.

The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face. “Sir,” she said, “the ladies’ restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.”

He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: “WW”, “WA”, and “PP”, and there was one red button labeled “ATR.”

Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn’t just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the “WW” button. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The men’s restroom didn’t have nice things like this.

Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the “WA” button. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the “PP” button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies’ room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy.

He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.

“What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies’ restroom on a flight to Atlanta!”

“You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. “That last button marked “ATR” is an automatic tampon remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

Big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.” After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After the nurse inserted the thermometer, she announced, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room. “What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”

After a pause, the doctor confesses, “Well, no. I guess I haven’t. Not with a carnation anyway.”