Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, “What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot”. The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,”Wow, he’s a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button…Va-voom”.. The third man married a school teacher.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Poor guy, she’s pretty but teachers are just too frigid”. The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher’s husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse’s husband wanting breakfast. The nurse’s husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man’s pyjamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, “What happened sir? You married a nurse. The man sourly replies, “Son, don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, ” You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary”.
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again. The telephone operator’s husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man’s hair and pyjamas were properly combed and pressed. Dave asked,” What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices”.
The man sourly replies “Son, don’t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, “You’re three minutes are up, your three minutes are up”.
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband would be calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher’s husband called for breakfast. Dave can’t believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.
Dave fearing the worst, asked “What happened to you? Did you have a fight?”
The man smiled and happily replied, “No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying “We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right”.
Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.
”She’s out of control!” the first doctor says. ”She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!”
”That’s nothing,” said the second doctor, “earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!”
All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway.
”OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!”
An expectant couple were soon to have their first child. Their doctor told them of a new invention to relieve the mother’s pain during childbirth. This invention could be attached to the mother and it would transfer the pain she experienced to the baby’s father.
The couple talked it over and the husband was anxious to help his wife with her delivery. When the blessed time came, they opted to use the new invention. It was strapped to the mother and the dial was set at 1.
With the mother’s contraction, the husband felt no pain. He asked that the dial be adjusted to 3. With the next contractions, the mother felt less pain and the husband tolerated the experience well.
The husband, feeling courageous and noble, asked that the dial be turned to 100%. The nurse did so and the mother completed the entire labor and delivery with no pain. The husband did not feel any pain either, and was certain that women had over- rated their plight in childbirth.
A few days later the happy new family returned home from the hospital. They were shocked as they drove into their driveway to see the mailman lying dead on the front porch.
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, You’re the father of twins.”
“What a coincidence,” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You sir, are the father of triplets.”
“Wow, That’s really an incredible coincidence ” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the thirrd man — who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.
Stunned, he barely could reply. “Don’t tell me! Another coincidence?” asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said “I don’t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!” After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.
“I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers… “I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers… “I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers…”
In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting as if he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Charlie! What are you doing?”
Charlie replied, “Can’t talk right now….I’m driving to Chicago!”
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Charlie, how are you doing?”
Charlie says, “I’m exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest.”
“That’s great,” replied the nurse, “I’m glad you had a safe trip.” The nurse leaves Charlie’s room, and goes across the hall into Fred’s room, and finds Fred sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With suprise she asks, “Fred what are you doing!?”
To which Fred replies, “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife. He’s in Chicago!”