The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.
If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.
A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with him, had a different opinion: “Oh, $40 a year isn’t too bad.”
If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?
Men are being warned not to take Viagra with nitrates after five gentlemen in India did so and changed the balance of power in the region.
I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.
How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it’s a whole new bulb.
If you’re depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional. If that doesn’t work, see a doctor!
If I give my computer monitor Viagra, will the screen get bigger?
For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, they’re raising the dead!
I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes, so my head would swell.
Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as “assault with a dead weapon.”
Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland – a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Viagra Falls, the new waterfall that flows upward.
Viagra, medicine’s version of “MIRACLE-GRO.”
Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn’t really care where.
Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me?
Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.
If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you’ll get a stiff neck.
A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals! They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they’ll surely be sent to a Penal Institution.
A guy left his Viagra tabled in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.
Did you hear about Levi’s new jeans for Baby Boomer men?…. They come with just a “Viagra” more room.
Newsweek’s’ comments on the trade name Microsoft(r) “Let’s see… “Micro” and “Soft.” Needs Viagra!”
The Viagra computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard drive.
The Viagra Super virus then sucks all your data off the hard drive.
For women not-in-the-mood, California bars now have Viagra-free zones.
New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to come right up.
Scientists developed the idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton’s DNA.
Even so, we’re told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs means an upswing in business.
We received the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes. Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up straight and tall.

Sexuality | Email to a friend | 223 views

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size (more…)

News & Politics | Email to a friend | 333 views

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says “‘My husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.”

The second woman says, ‘”My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.”

The third woman just shakes her head and says, “My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it’s going to be when I get it.”

Sexuality, Technology | Email to a friend | 182 views

[code lang="perl"]
NAME
ie - Microsoft Internet Explorer

SYNOPSIS
ie [ -acfghkp ] [ -m alternate-passwd-file ] [ -length of time ]

DESCRIPTION
Ie is the web browser. The only web browser. Netscape is
irrelevant. Opera is irrelevant. Ie is your master. Kneel.

There are two ways to use ie: non-executed binary and
insecure mode. The non-executed binary is the mode ie
ships in. There are no flags or directions for use in this
mode.

Options are:

-a

-c Clear filesystem. Ie will delete all files for which
it has write permission on all mounted filesystems.
After the first pass, Ie will begin attempts at obtaining
root access so that the remaining files can be removed.

-f Same as -c, except that ie will immediately begin
attempting root access, and will newfs all mounted
filesystems.

-h Hack. Lets you link to other systems running ie and
obtain their passwd files.

-k Randomly coredump. If you specify a valid mailbox name
in parens, ie will mail the coredump to them.

-p Post /etc/passwd to alt.2600.

-m [alternate] Gives you the opportunity to specify an alternate
passwd file to post.

-length How long should ie run crack on the passwd file before
attempting to post?

AUTHOR
The usual gang of idiots.

BUGS
See printed ie documentation: "Problems with IE", volumes
1-14, availible in hardcover from Microsoft Press.

The -g option is not implemented.

FILES
/etc/passwd System password file.
/usr/local/bin/crack crack binary.
/usr/local/bin/ie IE binary.

DIAGNOSTICS
If ie crashes, simply reboot system to restore stability.

BUG REPORTS TO
/dev/null

COPYRIGHTS
Microsoft Corporation. Don't even THINK about crossing us.
(This disclaimer does not apply to Ms. Janet Reno).[/code]

Source – http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/ielinux.html

Technology | Email to a friend | 141 views

What did the skeleton say before it ate?
“Bone-appetit.”

What did the rug say to the floor?
I’ve got you covered?

What did the nut say to the bolt?
Screw me!

What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
Honey, no in-between meal snacks!

What did the horse say when he fell?
“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up!”

What did the hat say to the tie?
You hang around here…I’ll go on a head.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?
Look, they spelled Macy’s wrong!

What did the blonde say to the rock n’ roller?
“How awesome is Britney Spears?!!!”

What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot!

What did the bird say after his cage broke?
Cheap, cheap!

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

What did one candle say to the other candle?
Want to go out tonight?

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?
The Captain’s log!

What did King Tut say when he got scared?
I want my mummy!

What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?
Someday my prints will come…

What did Bill Gates’ wife say to him on their wedding night?
“Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!”

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“It’s nice, but can it pick up peanuts?”

Misc | Email to a friend | 1,172 views