A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, “Have you done your chores yet?”

No, replies the boy, “but could I have breakfast first?”

You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs.

The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.

Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, “Where’s my eggs, my milk and my sausage?”

Well, says his mother, “I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don’t get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don’t get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don’t get any sausage.”

Just then, the boy’s father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, “Should I tell him now, or do you want to?”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 392 views

“I should be in charge,” said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”

“I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.”

“I should be in charge,” said the legs, “because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”

“I should be in charge,” said the eyes, “because I allow the body to see where it goes.”

“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.”

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge.

Misc | Email to a friend | 334 views

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: “Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
Indian: “Dog no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ alright.”
Indian:( Look of shock )
Cowboy:”Is this Indian your owner?” ( Pointing at the Indian )
Dog: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Indian:( Look of disbelief )
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Indian: “Horse no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Good.”
Indian:( Extreme look of shock )
Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” ( Pointing at the Indian )
Horse: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”
Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement )
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Indian: “Sheep liar.”

Animals | Email to a friend | 438 views

An IT joke ….

Cognizant Method:
. hire a lion…
. ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
. give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
. hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
. give them same gobi 65 to eat
. hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS method:
. hire a lion
. give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
. lion dies of hunger and frustration

Kanbay Method :
. Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
. Give him work of 3 Lions
. Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
. No time for food and family, automatically die

Infy method:
. hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat ..
. he will die eventually of frustration…

IBM’s method:
. hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
. he dies of unemployment…

Syntel Method:-
. Hire a Cat …
. assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
. Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT method:
. hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score > 60% he will lose the job.
. lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:
. hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
. holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
. hire a lion ..
. tell him to merge with Goats (polaris software) and reduce his allowance…
. lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat….

Polaris Method :
. hire ..Sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) …
. change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
. cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
. lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Silverline Method:
. hire a lion, declare a scandal and dont pay him…
. he dies of hunger…

Quinnox method:
. hire the lion. either give him no work or ask for a premature delivery.
. Lion either dies of boredom or intense physical & mental activity…

Patni method:
. hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
. the lion dies before joining….

Nucsoft method:
. hire a lion,give him job of grass eating (IBBS Support)..
. the lion dies from lack of eating meat…

Satyam method:
. hire a lion, give him net access..
. no work..
. and deport him to Chennai centre…
. no water..
. no electricity..
. no hindi speaking ppl…
. lion dies in oblivion……

Wipro method:
. hire a lion…
. give him lots of work…
. transfer him to Wipro Lights division..
. lion dies due to Lightness…

Mastek method:
. hire a lion…
. ask him to align himself with anything and everything…
. ask him to fill complicated competency forms…
. differ increments and pay him salary of a cat…
. lion dies due to fear of getting mis-aligned or starvation…

Caritor Method:
. hire a lion…
. ask him to stay at work..
. give him vegetables to eat…
. hire 10 more lions
. give them vegetables to eat
. hire 20 more

Infotech Method:
. Hire a lion at CAT salary
. Tie with a Belt
. Request lion to wait until belt breaks
. Send Lion to US/UK
. Put One more Belt
. Lion Runs away(Abscond) in fear of death.

Technology | Email to a friend | 498 views