One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red.The man driving went right through the red light.

The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!”Then the driver responded, “Don’t worry, my mother allways drives like this.”So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!”

The driver looked at the passenger and responded, “I get it! But like I told already, you my mother drives like this all the time!” Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. “What the hell are you doing?” The passenger screamed. “This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”The driver replied, “That’s my mom’s car coming over there!”

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A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food.

While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, “That’s a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!”

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn’t see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, “Those shoes are stylin’, my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!”

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self- consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, “That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!”

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, “Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look – what’s up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??”

Oh, the waiter nonchalantly replies. “It’s just the peanuts.”

The PEANUTS?!? the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

Yes, replies the waiter, “..they’re complimentary.”

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“Mummy, where do babies come from? “The stork, dear.”
“Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?” “The police, dear.”
“Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?” “The fire department, dear.”
“Mummy, where does food come from?” “Farmers, dear.”
“Mummy?” “Yes, dear?” “What do we need Daddy for?”

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A traveler and his wife leave their hotel room and go to the lobby to check out. The traveler puts down a $50 bill and asks for a receipt.
The clerk says that his total bill is $75. The traveler explains that the sign advertises all rooms $50/night, tax included. He insisted that his bill is only $50 since he didn’t make any telephone calls, didn’t charge anything in the restaurant and didn’t use the mini bar.
The clerk advised that it’s for the food that comes with every room.
“But we didn’t consume any of the food”, said the traveler.
“Well that’s too bad. It was there and we charge for it”, said the clerk.
“Well then, you owe $75″, said the traveler.
“What for?” said the clerk.
“For screwing my wife last night”, said the traveller.
The clerk explained that he didn’t touch his wife.
“Well too bad…she was there!”

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This guy is walking through the Amazon. He’s exhausted his food and water supplies and is starving. When he thinks he just can’t go on, he finds himself surrounded by a tribe of cannibals, all with huge loin-cloths that can’t hide their even huge dicks. The man is taken to the village, given food and water, and is then brought before the chieftain. The chief, who has the largest dick in the village, says to him: “Right, white man. We are going to give you a choice. You can either be roasted and eaten alive or experience Unga Bunga.”

The man, obviously not stupid, first asks what Unga Bunga is. “It consists of being fucked in the ass by all members of the tribe, white man,” the chief replies with a huge grin.

After thinking it over, the man decides to go for the butt-fuck. So he kneels down and all the men line up behind him and fuck him till he’s screaming with pain. After a couple of hours the torture stops and the man is free to go. Bleeding from his ass he crawls off into the rainforest. A couple of days later he’s lost. No food, no water. His ass has healed by now, but what good will that do him?

At night he’s discovered by another tribe, who take him to their village. Again he is given the choice between death and Unga Bunga. And again, after much consideration, he chooses Unga Bunga. All night long the cannibals have their way with him and in the morning he’s free to go. The next day the man – lost, starving and about to die is AGAIN taken capture, this time by a tribe with dicks that touch the ground. AGAIN he’s given the choice: death or Unga Bunga. Deciding he’s had enough and won’t be raped again, the man says to the chief: “Go ahead. Burn me, eat me. I’m ready to die.” The chief, much impressed by the man’s bravery, replies: “All right, white man. But first…..UNGA BUNGA!

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