A farmer was in the pub bragging about his pig. “That animal saved my life twice”, he said. “Once I fell into the river and he jumped in and dragged me to the bank. Another time my house caught on fire and he ran in and saved me, the wife and kids”.
The farmer passes around a picture of the miraculous animal. One of the guys notices the pig is missing a leg.
“Which accident did the pig lose its leg in?” he asks.
“Neither. An animal like that you don’t eat all at once!”
A young lady had just visited her doctor, and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share her good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
“Sir,” she said, “I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone, or I’ll bust”. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiasm as she shared his experience. He said he was a farmer, and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy, he added, “But, confidentially, I changed cocks”.
The newly pregnant woman responded, “Confidentially,… me, too”.
A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work, saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!”
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it’s a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. “Amazing!” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have accomplished together!”
“Yes, Reverend,” says the farmer, “but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!”
A zebra was visiting a farm. “Hi,” she said to the rooster. “What do you do here?”
“I make sure everyone gets up on time for a nice early start on the day,” he replied.
“How about you?” she asked a cow.
“I supply the farmer and his family with fresh milk, so they can make butter and cheese,” the cow said.
“And what’s your job on the farm?” the zebra asked a stallion.
“Get out of those fancy striped pajamas,” he answered, “and I’ll show you.”
This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbour asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbour says, “You can have this rooster. His name’s Roy. He’ll get all your hens pregnant. He’s a real stud.” So the farmer takes him home and says, “It’s your first day so take it slow, okay?”
The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond. The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead. The farmer says, “Roy, did you have to die?”
Roy says, “Quiet! They’re about to land!”