A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office. The husband said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave man,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”

The husband turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

Medical | Email to a friend | 66 views

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs Benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, “What’s with the hubcap?” The waiter sings, “Oh, there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!”

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!” No, I’m sorry, replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writer’s cramp.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins – if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal!”

Puns | Email to a friend | 70 views

The judge said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”

Lawyer | Email to a friend | 77 views

Criminals who fall into the mud have to come clean sooner or later.
The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.
The leech applied for the art position because he was good at drawing blood.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
The managers in charge of company layoffs were known as the ‘firing squad’.
I met a math professor who has 12 children – she really knows how to multiply.
The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.
A murderer had heartburn because of something the assassinate.
A dentist has to tell a patient the whole tooth.
The liquor store advertised, ‘We De-Liver.’
The prisoner had a very short sentence. He was a contemporary.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Some childen are often on their pest behavior.
When cave men got together they formed clubs.
The recent windstorm through the trees was an absolute debarkle.
The quadruplets were always wandering off. It was a four-gone conclusion.
The pharaohs of Egypt worked out the first pyramid scheme.
The organizational get together for a company football team was called a kickoff meeting.
It takes only moments to go and get seconds but hours practice to take good minutes.

Misc | Email to a friend | 84 views

What is the best time of the day to go to the dentist?

Medical, Riddles | Email to a friend | 409 views