No clergyman shall tell a funny story from the pulpit (West Virginia)
In Atlanta, GA, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
Federal law forbids recycling used eyeglasses in the United States.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. (North Carolina)
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is prohibited (California).
It was proposed in the Rhode Island legislature in the 1970s that there be a $2 tax on every act of sexual intercourse.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (Texas)
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, “I know what you’re getting for Christmas, Luke”, he said, “Ohhh, yes! I know!”
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader’s reach, “How do you know!?”
Luke yelled at him, “How do you know what I’m getting for Christmas!?”
Darth Vader shot Luke an icey glare, “I felt your presents”.
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house everybody felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass I’d just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment it must Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fucker had fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart the son of a bitch blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight piss on you all and have a hell of a night!!!
Roses are Redish, Violets are Bluesh.
If it wasn’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish.
A young woman asks her mother,
“How many kinds of penis are there?”
Surprised the mother answers, “Well, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree? Why like a Christmas tree?” the young woman asks.
“Because, it’s dried up, and the balls are only there for decoration.”