Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he’d been recommended to paint him in the nude.
“No,” the talented blonde artist said. “I don”t do that sort of thing”.
“But what if I double your fee?” he pleaded.
“Nope, sorry. Won’t do it”.
“How about I give you five times what you normally get?”
“Oh, okay then,” said the artist, “but I’m keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes”.
The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper.
The man peered over his paper and asked “Would you let me have sex with you for a dollar?”
“Certainly not!” exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.
A short while later he looked across again and said “Would you let me have sex with you for a million dollars?”
After a brief pause, the woman replied “yes, I suppose I would.” Again the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked “Would you let me have sex with you for five dollars?”
“Certainly not!” replied the young woman, getting angry now “What kind of girl do you take me for?”
“We’ve already established that” replied the man, “We’re just haggling over the price!”
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for”.
A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, “Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”
“And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”
The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS…and write on the envelope, ‘Now you have everything.'”
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home.
The father told the mother, “If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.
He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said, “Damn! It’s even worse than I ever imagined…”
“What do you mean?” his wife inquired.
“He’s gonna be a politician.” the father replied.