A brunette walks into a bar and says, “Gimme an M L.”
The bartender says, “What’s an M L?”
The brunette says, “A Miller Light.”
Another brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L”
The bartender says, “What’s a B L?”
She says, “Bud Light.”
A dumb blonde walks in and says, “Gimme a 15.”
The bartender says, “What’s a fifteen?”
The blonde says, “7&7, duh!”

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. “This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I’m not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch.”

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch.

The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. “This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won’t pay for this, and I insist on, a good, 12-year-old scotch.”

The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch.

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, “What do you think of this?”

The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling “Why, this tastes like piss,”

The old drunk replies, “That’s right, now tell me how old I am.”

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had a fight with the little woman.”

“Oh yeah,” said Eddie. “And how did this one end?”

“When it was over,” Harvey replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”

“Really? Now that’s a switch! What did she say?”

“She said, “Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!!!”

An old Englishman walks into a bar an asks for a bottle of 38 year old wine from Leonne, France. The bartender not wanting to go to the cellar gave the Englishman the closest bottle of wine he has. The Englishman tasted it and said “This wine is only 2 years old and is from Santiago de Chile. “The bartender was amazed, but at the same time curios, so he gave him another bottle. The Englishman goes “This wine is 17 years old and is from San Diego, California.” The bartender was so amazed that he gave him another bottle. The Englishman tasted it and said “This wine is 30 years old and is from Lima, Peru. “Finally the bartender goes to the cellar and got the right bottle and gave it to the Englishman. The Englishman said: “Finally, a 38 year old wine from Leonne, France.” An old drunk that had been watching goes up to the Englishman and said “Could you please tell me what kind of drink is this” and hands him a cup. The old Englishman tasted and said “What the f**k this is piss.” And the drunk replied “Yeah I know but could you please tell me from where because I’m so drunk that I don’t remember where I live.”