Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.

Blondes | Email to a friend | 97 views

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by next Friday

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays–Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll–Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?–Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity–Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things–Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM , 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch–Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost–Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live–Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven–What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM , location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 132 views

Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter and the other had a son. When thier kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farners encouraged it. One day the girl’s father went over to the other farmer’s house and said that he didn’t want thier children dating anymore. The boy’s father asked, “Why not?”

The other farmer said, “Come here and I’ll show you.” In his yard was the girl’s name written in pee in the snow.

The boy’s father said, “Oh, come on, that’s just boy stuff.”

The other farmer said, “You think I dont’ know my own daughter’s handwriting?”

Misc | Email to a friend | 248 views

A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, “Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark”.

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, “Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.”

Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.

Then said the preacher, “You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.”

Religion | Email to a friend | 90 views

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, on the seventh day, Michael the Archangel found him resting.

“Where have you been?” asked Michael.

God sighed a deeply satisfying sigh and whilst proudly pointing towards the clouds said, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael look puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet” replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE onto it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael.

God explained, pointing to different parts of the Earth, “Yes balance Michael. For example, this is North America and this will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, whilst this is South America a place of poverty and corruption.

“Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people and over here a continent of black people”.

God continued “This area will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed with God’s creation, then pointed to a small land mass and asked, “What’s this one?”

“Ah,” said God, “That’s Britain, the most glorious place on Earth. A place blessed with beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. A place where the people are modest, intelligent and humorous as well as hard working, extremely sociable and always high achieving. They will be known throughout the world as diplomats’ and ‘carriers of peace’ and others will always look up to them as a nation of inspiration.”

The Archangel gasped in wonder and proclaimed, “God, you said there would be balance in this world; where is the BALANCE?”

God replied wisely, “Just wait until you see the wankers I put next to them in France”.

Misc | Email to a friend | 314 views