Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Men & Women, Quickies | Email to a friend | 31 views

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, You’re the father of twins.”

“What a coincidence,” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You sir, are the father of triplets.”

“Wow, That’s really an incredible coincidence ” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the thirrd man — who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Stunned, he barely could reply. “Don’t tell me! Another coincidence?” asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said “I don’t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!” After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.

“I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers… “I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers… “I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers…”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 48 views

There were two blondes going hunting. It was getting late so one of the blondes said to the other that she heard if you ever get lost in the woods to shoot three shots into the air. So she did. A few hours went
by and so she fired three more shots in the air. A few more hours went by and they fired three more shots in the air. Then one of the blondes said someone better hurry up and save us…we only have two more arrows left.

Blondes | Email to a friend | 34 views

A man traveling on business, walks into a local pub, sits down and asks the bartender for a shot of 25 year old scotch.

The bar keep looking to have a little fun, and make a few extra dollars, pours the guy a shot of bar brand scotch.

The businessman taking his first sip, realizes this is not what he ordered, calls over the bartender. “Excuse me, do you remember what I ordered”.

“Why certainly sir”, says the bartender, “You wanted a shot of 25 year old scotch”.

“That is correct”, replies the customer. “The scotch you served, can’t be more than 2 years old”.

The bartender apologies, and goes off to correct his mistake. A little upset for being caught, the bartender again tries to fool his customer, by pouring him a shot of 12 year old scotch.

After his first taste of the scotch, he immediately again knew, this was not the beverage of his choice.”

So once again, he calls over the bartender, to verify his drink order. “Bartender, can you tell me again what I ordered”.”

“Yes sir, you ordered a shot of my 25 year old scotch”.

“Again that is correct”. But unfortunately, the scotch you served is not more than 12 years old”.

At this point he bartender is impressed, and realizes the guy is a true connoisseur of scotch whiskey, and goes off to get his 25 year old scotch.”

With savoring only a few drops, the man knew he finally got what he ordered, and comments to the bartender, “Now this is, 25 year old scotch”.

The local drunk who witnessed everything, turns to the businessman and says, “Hey buddy, try this drink.”

The traveler not wanting any trouble, takes the glass from the drunk, and gives a taste. Immediately, the guy spits it out, and screams, “My god man, this is urine”.

“Thats right”, yells the drunk, “But How Old am I”.

Barroom | Email to a friend | 31 views

Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”

After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices: Either I maul you to death or I have sex with you.” Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it Bob, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

Animals | Email to a friend | 39 views