Looking back on my career, I swear that I’m jinxed. Every institution, every business I’ve worked for has folded. The school I went to burned down shortly after I left- the first company I worked for collapsed and went bankrupt- the University I studied at was charged with massive corruption and gross professional misconduct- the school I taught at was shut down. I ran my own business- an old, historical pub which closed down and was demolished shortly after. I might have a subconscious instinct to “board a sinking ship.” Anyway, enough of that, My name is Gordon Brown, Labour party – I hope that I can count on your vote in the next election.

News & Politics | Email to a friend | 19 views

A man went over to his girl’s place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom — gold, silver, or bronze.

Silver, she said.

Why not gold?

Because I want you to come second for once!

Sexuality | Email to a friend | 16 views

A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a diner and ordered an orange juice and a steak. The waitress brought a pitcher of orange juice and the man’s jaw dropped.
The farmer said, “Pardon me, I ordered a glass of orange juice not a whole pitcher.”
The waitress simply said, “Sir, this is Texas. Every thing is bigger.”
So when the waitress brought the steak the farmer said, “Excuse me, I ordered a steak not the whole cow!” Again the waitress said, “This is Texas every thing is bigger.”
After he finished he had to go to the bathroom so he asked the waitress were it was. She told him it was down the hall first door to the left. Just as he walked through the men’s room door he fell into a deep pool and screamed, “HELP, HELP! DON’T FLUSH!”

Food & Restaurant | Email to a friend | 16 views

A man dies and goes to Heaven. When he arrives he sees that there is a long line to the Pearly Gates. After some time he hears a commotion behind him and turns to see a man in a long white coat with a stethoscope in the pocket cutting past everyone. He strides right through the gates without a pause and past everyone who had been waiting forever.
When the man gets to St. Peter he says, “Say, who was that guy who cut past everybody and walked right through?”
St. Peter replied, “Oh. That’s God. Sometimes he likes to think he’s a doctor.”

Medical | Email to a friend | 16 views

A man is in a hospital bed completley wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, “Don’t move — I’ll be right back.”

When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, “How did you get that in your mouth, you can’t even move?” Then the man said, “I hiccupped.”

Medical | Email to a friend | 17 views