A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense…
Deputy says, “License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What for?”
Deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign ”
Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Deputy says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Deputy says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”Deputy says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.”
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving snot out of the lawyer and says: “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

June 7th 2008, Food Crisis

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on his birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in Heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, “Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!?’”

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.

I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, “Deepest Condolences,” and sent the card to the funeral home that said, “I know it’s hot where you’re going, but you deserve it.”

A lady is riding the subway, reading her Bible.

A man sitting next to her, seeming amused, asks her, “You don’t really believe what they say in there, do you?”

“Every word,” she replied.

“OK,” he asks, “how about the Noah story, the flood, the animals - do you believe that?”

“Absolutely,” she said.

“What about God creating the universe in six days?”

“All true, I believe every word.”

“What about Jonah - how could a man live for three days in the belly of a whale?” he asks.

“Yes, I believe that too,” she says.

“Well, how could that be - how did he breathe?”

” I don’t know,” she said. “When I get to Heaven, I’ll ask him.”

“What if he’s not in Heaven,” the guy asks.

The lady replies, “In that case, you can ask him!”