A fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.
The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you’re full of s**t.

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it.” The blond replies “Shut up, you’re next.”

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About two hours.” The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,”How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at theshop and said, “About three hours.” The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.” The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favour,follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.”

A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, “Your house.”