Late one night at the insane asylum, an inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”

Another one said, “How do you know?”

The first inmate said, “God told me!”

A voice from another room shouted, “I did not!”

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A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

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One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner–Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes. “Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!” The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?” “I’m marrying a Russet!” “A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.” “And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!” “You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?” “I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter. “An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.” “Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation. “Well,” began t he youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!” “Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?” “I’m marrying Dan Rather!” “DAN RATHER?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”

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THE DOCTOR because he says ”take your clothes off.”

THE DENTIST because he says ”open wide.”

THE HAIR DRESSER because he says ”do you want them teased or blown?”

THE MILKMAN because he says ”do you want it in the back or in the front?”

THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says ”once it’s in you’ll love it.”

THE BANKER because he says ”if you take it out too soon you’ll lose interest.”

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Sometimes advertising campaigns backfire. Here are a few true examples.

1. Coors translated it’s slogan “Turn it loose” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”

2. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick” curling iron into Germany, where they later found out that ‘mist’ is the German equivalent of s**t.

3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market to coincide with the Pope’s visit. But instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read (la Papa) “I saw the potato”.

4. Pepsi’s slogan “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” translated into Chinese as “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead”.

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the USA, with the adorable Caucasian baby on the label. They later learned that in Africa, companies usually put pictures
of the contents on the label, as most people can’t read.

6. Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan “It takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken” was translated into Spanish as “It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”

7. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Ke-kou-ke-la”, meaning “Bite the wax tadpole” or, depending on the dialect, “Female horse stuffed with wax.” Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “ko-kou-ko-le” which translates nicely into “Happiness in the mouth”.

8. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you”. Instead, the translator thought that the word ‘embarrass’ was meant as ‘embarazar’ (to impregnate), so the ad read “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant”.

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