Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”

Customer: “OK.”

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”

Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.” (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn’t, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: “Ok, did you type ‘click’ with the keyboard?”

Customer: “I have done something dumb, right?”

Comparing an Advanced Operating System Used for Highly Demanding Applications (aka Linux) to Vista!

APL is a write-only language.
* * *
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
* * *
C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
* * *
A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.
* * *
PL/I is for programmers who can’t decide whether to write in COBOL or Fortran.
* * *
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, benchmarks.
* * *
Unix is user friendly. It’s just very particular about who it’s friends are.

If IE was on Linux…Source

NAME
 ie - Microsoft Internet Explorer

SYNOPSIS
 ie [ -acfghkp ] [ -m alternate-passwd-file ] [ -length of time ]

DESCRIPTION
 Ie is the web browser. The only web browser. Netscape is
 irrelevant. Opera is irrelevant. Ie is your master. Kneel.

 There are two ways to use ie: non-executed binary and
 insecure mode. The non-executed binary is the mode ie
 ships in. There are no flags or directions for use in this
 mode.

 Options are:

 -a

 -c Clear filesystem. Ie will delete all files for which
 it has write permission on all mounted filesystems.
 After the first pass, Ie will begin attempts at obtaining
 root access so that the remaining files can be removed.

 -f Same as -c, except that ie will immediately begin
 attempting root access, and will newfs all mounted
 filesystems.

 -h Hack. Lets you link to other systems running ie and
 obtain their passwd files.

 -k Randomly coredump. If you specify a valid mailbox name
 in parens, ie will mail the coredump to them.

 -p Post /etc/passwd to alt.2600.

 -m [alternate] Gives you the opportunity to specify an alternate
 passwd file to post.

 -length How long should ie run crack on the passwd file before
 attempting to post?

AUTHOR
 The usual gang of idiots.

BUGS
 See printed ie documentation: "Problems with IE", volumes
 1-14, availible in hardcover from Microsoft Press.

 The -g option is not implemented.

FILES
 /etc/passwd System password file.
 /usr/local/bin/crack crack binary.
 /usr/local/bin/ie IE binary.

DIAGNOSTICS
 If ie crashes, simply reboot system to restore stability.

BUG REPORTS TO
 /dev/null

COPYRIGHTS
 Microsoft Corporation. Don't even THINK about crossing us.
 (This disclaimer does not apply to Ms. Janet Reno).