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Photo Copier

Posted in Business, Technology

When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service. The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning. The tech suggested that someone might try reading the operator’s manual and perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the work. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asks, “Does your boss know you are discouraging business?”
“Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers. After people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more money on repairs”.

Meeting

Posted in Technology

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside.

The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.

“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I ‘ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.

“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again”.

Software Engineers

Posted in Technology

At a recent software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay on board.
“With my team’s software”, he said, “the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off”.

C++ Programmers

Posted in Technology

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
“You’re still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!”.