A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she said, “but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.”
“What on earth do you mean???”
“Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’”.

“How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.

“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”

“But you’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife,”Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”

“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.

“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.

“Do you see it?” asked Jack.

“Yup,” Scott answered.

“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

“I forgot.”

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow.”
“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be all right…I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, “How does that feel?” To which he replied, “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”

A guy’s tee shot towards the first pin hooks terribly and bounces off the clubhouse roof. He decides it’s not worth trying to find the ball, so he tees up another and plays on. When he gets back to the clubhouse after finishing his game, the Pro comes running over to him.
“Hey,” says the Pro, “Did you see what happened to that ball you hit off the first tee?”
“I hooked it and it bounced off the clubhouse roof,” replies the guy.
“Yea,” says the Pro, “but that’s not all! It ricocheted off the clubhouse roof, smashed a van’s window; the van went out of control and hit a school bus. The bus tumbled down an embankment and burst into flames! Three of the kids are in critical condition at the local hospital!”
“Oh my God!” says the guy, “What should I do?”
“Well,” says the Pro, “I think you try to open up your club face a bit…”