Jockey Blake Shinn suffers mid-race trouser malfunction, moons entire crowd
What’s the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a.m. Just as the first was half way up his back swing, a good looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into the woods he turned, dazed, to his companion, “What was that about?!!!”
“Take no notice. Just get on with the game,” replied the other. Settling down and lining up for his drive, the first golfer then noticed four men in white coats running across the course on a similar track to the young lady. “What……???!!!”
“Look. Just get on with the game,” said the second. “We don’t have all day, and you know the course closes at 9 p.m.,” the second says with a chuckle. For the third time the golfer squared up to the ball, only to be distracted by another man in a white coat running across the fairway, lugging two buckets of sand. “Now, hold on a minute,” said the first golfer, “I’m not playing until you tell me what’s going on”.
“OK.” said the second. “Just over the wall there is an asylum. The young lady is a patient who escapes and runs around naked from time to time. The guys in white coats are chasing her”.
“I’ll buy that,” said the first, “but what’s with the guy and the two buckets of sand?”
“He’s the guy who caught her the last time. That’s his handicap”.
An avid golfer dies and goes to heaven. He is met by St. Peter who tells him, “Welcome to Heaven. I know you will be pleased to know that this is the best golf course in the universe!” The man’s eyes turn cloudy. St. Peter says, “And the weather here is always good”. A tear begins to form in the man’s eye.
St. Peter says, “And there is never any lines of people when you want to golf”. A tear starts dropping from the man’s other eye.
St. Peter hurriedly says, “And your drives go at least 50 yards further up here”. The man is now sniffling.
St. Peter then says, “And you will never have more than two putts on any of the greens. The man is now sobbing uncontrollably.
St. Peter asks, “Hey, what is the matter with you? I thought you would be overjoyed. Why the tears?”
The man answers, “If my wife hadn’t fed me all of that healthy food, I would have been here five years earlier!”.
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.
Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree”.
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall”.