Parliament
What do you call someone in the Parliament who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist.

Funny Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
– Mark Twain

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.
– Ronnie Corbett

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. –Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. — His reply

Lady Astor: “Mr. Churchill, you’re drunk!” Winston Churchill:
“Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.”

“Give a man a mask and he’ll tell you the truth.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
– Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ”
– Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
– Jonathan Swift

Life is too short for grief. Or regret. Or bullshit.
– Edward Abbey

I broke a mirror.
I’m supposed to get 7 years bad luck. My lawyer says he can get me 5.
– Steven Wright

I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde

Terry Pratchett: Quotes

“Real children don’t go hoppity-skip unless they are on drugs.”

– Susan, the ultimate sensible governess (Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)

Did the chicken cross the road?

Albert Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Whether the chicken crossed the road, or the road crossed the chicken, depends upon your frame of reference.

Le Quotes - —Jay Leno

“I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t

help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!”

Le Quotes - Hannibal Lecter

“I just love the French. They taste like chicken!”

Le Quotes - Norman Schwartzkopf

“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.”

Le Quotes - General George S. Patton

“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.”

Le Quotes - Donald Rumsfeld

While speaking to the Hoover Institution today, Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was asked this question:

“Could you tell us why to date at least the Administration doesn’t favor direct talks with the North Korean government? After all, we’re talking with the French.”

The Secretary smiled and replied:

“I’m not going there!”