You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. — Erica Jong

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. — Rita Rudner

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. — Dolly Parton

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. — Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. — Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. — Sue Grafton
(more…)

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During the blitz when many clocks were destroyed, Londoners could tell the time by watching a dog throw itself off a highboard which it did precisely every 60 seconds, 24 hours a day over 8 months

from Brasseye (episode “Animals”), Channel 4 1997

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“DID YOU SAY HUMANS PLAY IT FOR FUN?”
“Some of them get to be very good at it, yes. I’m only an amateur, I’m afraid”
“BUT THEY ONLY LIVE EIGHTY OR NINETY YEARS!”
The joys of bridge
(Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)

If broomsticks were cars, this one would be a split-window Morris Minor.
– (Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites)

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done.
– (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens.
[footnote: The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit]
– (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)

“Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words.”
– (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species ‘female’ but have never expected to get this close to one.
– (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)

“Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.”
– (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

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Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant “idiot”.
– (Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic)

“Let’s just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards’.”
– Rincewind discussing Twoflower
(Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic)

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‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’
- George W. Bush

‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’
- George W. Bush

‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’
-George W. Bush

‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’
- George W. Bush

‘The future will be better tomorrow.’
- George W. Bush

‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.’
- George W. Bush

‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.’
- George W Bush

‘We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe . We are a part of Europe ‘
- George W. Bush

‘Public speaking is very easy.’
- George W. Bush

‘A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.’
- George W. Bush

‘I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don’t always agree with them.’
-George Bush

‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.’
- George W. Bush

‘For NASA, space is still a high priority.’
-George W. Bush

‘Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.’
-George W. Bush

‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
- George W. Bush

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