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Farmer Brown

Posted in Police

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer

Farmer Brown responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite mule Bessie into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’!”

Farmer Brown said, “Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrol man on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question”.

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite mule Bessie”.

Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.” He continued, “I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.”Shortly after the accident a highway patrol man came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. “The patrol man looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling’?”

Drunked And Rubbed

Posted in Police

A young man is staggering about drunk with a key in his hand.

“What’s going on ‘ere then?” says a passing policeman.

“They stole me bloody car!” shouts the drunk.

“Where did you last see it?” asks the copper.

“On the end of this key!” wails the drunk.

The policeman looks him over and says, “Are you aware, sir, that your penis is hanging out of your trousers?”

“Holy s***!” screams the drunk, “They got me girlfriend too!”

Circle Flies

Posted in Police

It’s the middle of summer and a Highway Patrol man pulls over a motorist for speeding. While he’s writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around his head, annoying him considerably.

“Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren’t they?” says the motorist.

“Yeah,” says the patrol man, “if that’s what these are, you’re sure right. But I’ve never heard of a circle fly before. What’s that?”

“Well,” the motorist responds, “circle flies are a species of fly that are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle around a horse’s rear end. That’s why they call ’em circle flies”.

The patrol man, catching the implication, replies, “You don’t say. Well, that’s very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to call me a horse’s ass. You wouldn’t be making that kind of implication
about an officer of the law, would you?”

“Oh, no sir!” responds the motorist. “No, sir, not at all. I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of implying that one of them was a horse’s ass. No, sir, I’m terribly sorry if that’s how it sounded”.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” replied the patrol man.

“Yeah,” the motorist continued, “but there’s just no fooling those circle flies, is there?”

Speeding down the highway

Posted in Police

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all travelling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infra-red speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man”.

“Um, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch all the fish?”

Doing 69 at a 35 MPH Zone

Posted in Police

A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to gets ome what passionate. SO they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window.
The cop could hardly contain himself. “Didn’t you know that you are not supposed to be having sex in public?” he asked the couple. Being embarrassed at being caught said yes and apologized.
“Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket.” So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behaviour.
After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for. He responded…”doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!!”