A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false police report after he called 911 to report… his own murder. The man told the operator he had been “murdered, beaten, possibly kidnapped and thrown down on a bed of spikes.” Police found the man a short time later, still on the convenience store pay-phone he had used to make the call. “It was obvious he hadn’t been murdered,” said one of the arresting officers.

NO… WE’RE JUST GLAD TO SEE YOU

Two wildlife collectors were caught at a Texas border crossing when Customs agents found snakes in their underwear. The men had tied the snakes into pantyhose and stuffed them into their groin area to sneak them across the border from Mexico. Customs inspectors noticed the bulges were wiggling and ordered the pair to drop their pants. The inspectors found 14 snakes — including a boa constrictor — hidden in the men’s pants, boots and pickup truck. The inspectors say they suspected at first that the men were smuggling narcotics… but in the words of one investigator, “drugs don’t move around like that.”

SAFETY FIRST
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Police | Email to a friend | 142 views

A cop pulls over a car that’s been swerving across the lanes of a road.

Get out of the car, please.

But I’m not drunk, officer!

Listen, it doesn’t matter if you’re drunk or not. If you don’t get out of this car, I’ll arrest you anyway.

Fine, says the man and gets out of the car.

Okay, now walk this yellow line. The man looks at the line.

Which one of them do I walk on?

Police | Email to a friend | 50 views

A tourist asks a man in uniform, “Are you a policeman?”
No, I am an undercover detective.”
So why are you in uniform?”
Today is my day off.”

Police | Email to a friend | 68 views

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, “Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!”

Police, Quickies | Email to a friend | 75 views

Police, Videos | Email to a friend | 218 views