God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth.

Man 1: Please God, I can’t count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.

God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.

Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!

God: My man, I am ashamed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.

Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out three times a week, and…

God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!

Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar.

Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You”re acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?!

Man 3: “I just saw my wife on rollerskates!”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 12 views

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”

Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas.

Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box.

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 17 views

A man in a hotel lobby accidentally bumps a woman in the breast with his elbow. Quite apologetic, he turns to her and says “If your heart is as soft as your breast, you will surely forgive me.”
She leans up to him and whispers “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 20 views

A geezer walks up to a beautiful woman in a shopping mall.

“Excuse me” he says “But I’ve lost my wife here somewhere and I can’t find her. Could you please help me?”

“What do you need me to do?” asks the woman.

“Just stand here and talk to me” the man replies.

“How’s that going to help?” she asks.

“No idea really…but every time I talk to a woman with hooters like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!!”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 32 views

My wife ran away with my best friend.
To tell you the truth, I really miss him.

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 33 views