A bride on her wedding night says to her husband ‘I must confess darling, I was a hooker!’.
He says ‘That’s all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it’.
She replies ‘Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that’s what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that’s what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
A couple decided go to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them.
So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. He came in after another 5 minutes and said “Honey my hands are cold again”. So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them.
So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. 5 minutes has passed and he went in again and said, “Honey my hands are cold again”.
She then said, ” Damn don’t your ears ever get cold?”
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don’t like to interrupt her.
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. “Good morning madam, I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?”
“Oh yes, all the time. It’s very good for cuts, grazes and burns”.
“Do you use it for anything else?”
“Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex.”
“Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out!”