What does DNA stand for ?
The National Dyslexia Association
An old man who was hard of hearing had been feeling unwell, so his dutiful wife took him along to his GP.
Doctor: “I’ll need a stool sample and a urine sample”
Old Man: “Pardon??”
Wife: “Just give him your pants dear…”
The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopaedic surgeon’s office. “You know, Doc”, he said, “I’ve made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand”.
“And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions”, the doctor said.
“Hell, no”, the old fellow replied. “I want to borrow your Lamborghini”.
A woman goes to see the doctor and says, “Doc, I’ve got a very embarrassing problem. I was playing with my vibrator last night and I’ve got the whole thing stuck inside me!”
“Don’t worry,” says the doc, “We’ll soon get it out of you”.
“Get in out?” says the woman, “I don’t want you to get it out. I just want you to change the batteries”.
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, “Sol, I’m happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you did when you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We’re going to send you home tomorrow. You don’t have to worry about your heart; do any physical exercise that you like”.
Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife:
“Doris, you’ll never believe it: I’m completely well. I have no worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to make love like you’ve never had before, wild, passionate sex… you’ll love it!”
Doris thinks for a minute and says, “I don’t know, Sol. I’ve heard about active sex and heart conditions. I don’t want it to be on my head if you croak while we are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to me saying that everything was OK…maybe I would have such sex with you…”
Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his doctor’s office; his doctor tells him: “Sure, sure, Sol, no problem, I’ll write the note. Let’s see, here’s my prescription pad: ‘Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-year-old lad and can have mad, passionate, adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron Katz… Now, I’ll just address this… By the way, Sol, what’s your wife’s first name?'”