A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:

“What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked.

“Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer.

“What do you do?”

The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say ‘the devil is the father of liars,’ but instead I said ‘the devil is the father of lawyers,’ so I let it go.”

Q: What’s the difference between a dead lawer in the middle of the road and a dead rattlesnake in the middle of the road?
A: There is skid marks before the snake

It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, “Boy, are you in trouble. I’m a lawyer!”
The driver looked out his window and said, “No, you’re in trouble. I’m a judge.”

The judge said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”