Hey, I may be fat, but you’ll always be ugly, and I can diet.
Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too, if you sit down.
Man: Do you want to dance?
Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me…I said, You Look fat in those pants.
Little Sister: Your Ugly.
You: And your quite good looking…for a Gorilla, that is…
Do you notice how I’ve kept my youthful complexion?
Yeah, so I see…all spotty
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I’m going to mine.
Man: So, what’s your sign?
Woman: No Entry
Man: I know how to please a Woman.
Woman: Well, please leave me alone.
Friend: I’ve just come back from the Beauticians
You: Pity it was closed…
Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!
Woman: Go to hell
Friend: I’ve changed my mind…
You: Excellent, so does the new one work better?
Boss: Employees like that don’t grow on trees you know…
You: How true Sir, they normally swing underneath them…
Brother: Why do you smell funny?
You: It’s called Soap – don’t think you’ve ever smelt it before…
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a Female Impersonator.
Man: Hey there, haven’t I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: Say, haven’t we met before?
Woman: Yes, I’m the head Nurse at the VD clinic.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: You know, you’re dead right…I want you to go away!
Wife: Darling, do you think I’ll lose my looks as I get older
You: With luck, yes
Work Colleague: Do you find me entertaining?
You: I reckon you are too dim to entertain a thought
Old Wife: Shall I put the TV on? Old Man: Well it would certainly improve the view in here…
You know, I’ve been asked to get married over a hundreds times.
Yeah, but your parents don’t count…
How many people work in your office?
About half of them
Brother: I love biscuits
You: That’s cuz your crackers
You: I reckon you’d make a great exchange student.
Friend: Wow, you really think so?
You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.