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You Are So Dumb

Posted in Insults

1. You so dumb you invented a helicopter with an ejector seat.
2. You so dumb you got locked in a super market and starved to death.
3. You so dumb you got locked in the toilets and wet yourself.

Come backs

Posted in Insults

Hey, I may be fat, but you’ll always be ugly, and I can diet.

Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too, if you sit down.

Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: NO
Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me…I said, You Look fat in those pants.

Little Sister: Your Ugly.
You: And your quite good looking…for a Gorilla, that is…

Do you notice how I’ve kept my youthful complexion?
Yeah, so I see…all spotty

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I’m going to mine.

Man: So, what’s your sign?
Woman: No Entry

Man: I know how to please a Woman.
Woman: Well, please leave me alone.

Friend: I’ve just come back from the Beauticians
You: Pity it was closed…

Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!
Woman: Go to hell

Friend: I’ve changed my mind…
You: Excellent, so does the new one work better?

Boss: Employees like that don’t grow on trees you know…
You: How true Sir, they normally swing underneath them…

Brother: Why do you smell funny?
You: It’s called Soap – don’t think you’ve ever smelt it before…

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a Female Impersonator.

Man: Hey there, haven’t I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Say, haven’t we met before?
Woman: Yes, I’m the head Nurse at the VD clinic.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: You know, you’re dead right…I want you to go away!

Wife: Darling, do you think I’ll lose my looks as I get older
You: With luck, yes

Work Colleague: Do you find me entertaining?
You: I reckon you are too dim to entertain a thought

Old Wife: Shall I put the TV on? Old Man: Well it would certainly improve the view in here…

You know, I’ve been asked to get married over a hundreds times.
Yeah, but your parents don’t count…

How many people work in your office?
About half of them

Brother: I love biscuits
You: That’s cuz your crackers

You: I reckon you’d make a great exchange student.
Friend: Wow, you really think so?
You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.

You mama so poor…

Posted in Insults

Yo mama so poor that she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so poor that she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine.
Yo mama so poor that when I whacked her on the back, her titties fell off.
Yo mama so poor that I borrowed your skateboard and she called the cops saying her car got stolen.
Yo mama so poor i walked in her house and stepped on a penny and she yelled get off my paycheck!