A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at a stop sign, they are rear ended by a big semi. Furious, the guy in the passenger seat throws his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts banging on the door.
The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, “I’m gonna sue your ass, Buddy!”
The truck driver, being a truck driver, laughs and says, “Suck my dick!”
The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes get real big and his face just lights up. He runs back to the car, and says excitedly to his lover, “You won’t believe it, he wants to settle out of court!”
An old cowboy – dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps – went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?” To which he replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am”.
After a short while he asked her what she was. She replied, “I’ve never been on a ranch. I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. I get up in the morning thinking of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV – everything makes me think of women”.
A short while later she left, and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“I always thought I was,” he answered, “but I just found out that I’m a lesbian”.
If you think life is bad… How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all… The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
A young guy at a bar notices two girls deep in conversation. He walks over and asks, “You girls want a drink”.
“You’re wasting your time”, says one of the ladies. “We’re lesbians”.
“What’s a lesbian” he asks.
“We like to have sex with girls”, she replies.
“Hey there!” the guy calls to the bartender. “Three drinks over here for us lesbians, please.?”
This guy sits down at the bar and orders 5 shots of tequila and downs them straight. The bartender impressed asks “Hey buddy did you have a long day?”
The man replies that he just found out that his brother was gay and leaves.
The next day the same guy comes in and orders ten shots. The bartender asks if he is still dealing with his brothers sexual orientation and the man replies “No i just found out my son is gay too.”
The bartender is appropriately sympathetic and the man leaves.
The third night the man comes in and orders 25 shots and downs them all. Stunned the bartender asks “Damn man doesn’t anyone in your family likes women?”
The man forcefully replies “Well apparently my wife does!”