A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, “Where’s John?” The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer”. Then the man asked, “Where is the meat slicer now?” The butcher then replied, “I fired her too.”

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A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a diner and ordered an orange juice and a steak. The waitress brought a pitcher of orange juice and the man’s jaw dropped.
The farmer said, “Pardon me, I ordered a glass of orange juice not a whole pitcher.”
The waitress simply said, “Sir, this is Texas. Every thing is bigger.”
So when the waitress brought the steak the farmer said, “Excuse me, I ordered a steak not the whole cow!” Again the waitress said, “This is Texas every thing is bigger.”
After he finished he had to go to the bathroom so he asked the waitress were it was. She told him it was down the hall first door to the left. Just as he walked through the men’s room door he fell into a deep pool and screamed, “HELP, HELP! DON’T FLUSH!”

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There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The first muffin looked at the second muffin and said, “Man, it’s getting hot in here!” Then the second muffinlooked at the first muffin.

“Oh, my God! A talking muffin!”

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A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, “One burger!”

Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen, the old lady says.

Yeah? says the counterman. “You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts.”

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A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, “What would you like, sir?”
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers,”A quickie.”
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, “What would you like, sir?”
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, “A quickie, please.”
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, “Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE’.”

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