Pupil: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Pupil: good, because i didn’t do my homework.
A school teacher started his first job at a primary school and was eager to make a good impression on the kids. So, when he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess, while the other kids were playing a game of soccer, he walked up to him and asked “Are you alright ?”
The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he noticed that the boy was still standing alone and had not joined the other boys.
Deciding to find out what was wrong this time, the teacher approached him again and said, ” Hi, are you sure you’re not feeling left out? Would you like me to be your friend ?”
The boy obviously felt a little embarrassed, but after a little hesitation said, “Maybe”. Encouraged by his progress, the teacher asked, “Tell me, why are you standing here alone?”
“Because”, the boy said with clear exasperation in his voice. “I am the goalie”.
Professor: A wise man doubts everything. Only a pin-head is positive.
Student: Are you sure of that, sir?
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
“What animal is this?” she asked.
“A cat!” said Eddie.
“Good job! Now, what is this animal?”
“A dog!” said Eddie.
“Good! Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,”It’s what your mom calls your dad”.
“A horny bastard”, called out Eddie.
A grandfather went to visit his college-aged grandson at the boy’s college dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his grandson was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway to his room.
“In my day”, grumbled Gramps, “we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes”.
“But Grandpa,” replied the grandson, “that IS a whore’s shoe”.