A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face”.

“Yes, sir,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A class member shouted, “‘Cause your feet ain’t empty”.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point”.
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

A Scottish guy goes to study at an English university and is living in the hall of residence. After he’s been there a month his mother comes to visit him.
“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asks.
“Mother,” he replies, “they’re such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall. The one on the other side screams and screams all night!”
“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?”
“Simple, I do nothing. I just sit here quietly and play my bagpipes.”

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:

1. religion
2. royalty
3. sex
4. mystery

The prize-winning essay read: “My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”