Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”

Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” she says. “Why Osama Bin Laden,” her father asks in shock.

“Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore”.

Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. “Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know,” Melissa says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him.”

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, “‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor’”.

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”.

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Little Bobby (seven) was in love with Little Susie (same age) who lived next door.
One day, Bobby went to Susie’s dad and announced (as seriously as he could), “I’m in love with Susie, and we’re getting married”.
Amused, Susie’s dad started asking questions (in the hopes to discourage the idea).
Susie’ dad: “Where will you live?”
Bobby: “Well, Susie has a playhouse in the back yard, so we’re gonna live there.”
Susie’s dad: “How are you going to make money to support her?”
Bobby: “Well, Susie gets 75 cents a week, and I get $1.25 a week.” “That should be more than enough!”
Seeing that Bobby was still serious, Susie’s dad asked, “Well, what about children?”
Bobby perked up and quickly answered, “Oh, we have that figured out already. Whenever Susie lays an egg, I’m gonna stomp on it!”

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Mandy was applying for a summer job.’How old are you?’ asked the owner of the store.’
I’m twelve years old, Sir,’ answered Mandy.’
And what do you expect to be when you grow up ?”
Twenty one, Sir.’

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“Mummy, where do babies come from? “The stork, dear.”
“Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?” “The police, dear.”
“Mummy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?” “The fire department, dear.”
“Mummy, where does food come from?” “Farmers, dear.”
“Mummy?” “Yes, dear?” “What do we need Daddy for?”

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