Yogi
Why didn't they make two Yogi Bears? Cause someone made a Boo-Boo!

First Grade Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here’s what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than… punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the… bug is close.
It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of… termites.
You can lead a horse to water but… how?
Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.
No news is… impossible.
A miss is as good as a… Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog… math. If you lie down with dogs, you… will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust… me.
The pen is mightier than… the pigs.
An idle mind is… the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there’s… pollution.
Happy is the bride who… gets all the presents. A penny saved is… not much.
Two is company, three’s… The Musketeers. None are so blind as… Helen Keller.
hildren should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.
You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind… get out of the way.
There is no fool like… Aunt Edie. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.
Cry and… you have to blow your nose.

Wedding Dress

A little girl at a wedding asked, “”Mommy, why do brides always wear white?”"
Because they’re happy, the mom replied.
Halfway through the wedding, the girl whispered, “Mommy, if brides wear white because they’re happy, then why do grooms wear black?”

Satan Claus

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, ”I’m really scared about all this Satan stuff?”

The other boy replied, ”Don’t worry! You know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad again.”

Fire Wagon

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.

“That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.

“Thanks” the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little Partner”, the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar too, I think you could go faster.”

The little girl replies thoughtfully, “You’re probably right… but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Oh, Gramma

A young boy went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked at the items she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words “queen size.”

Excited, the boy turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, “Look, Grandma! You wear the same size as your bed.”

Seagull

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ”Dad, what happened to the birdie?”

His dad told him, ”Son, the bird died and went to heaven.”

Then the boy asked, ”Did God throw him back down?”

Dead Cat Test

Out of the mouths of babes comes the Dead Cat Test, a true story:

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat.
She asked if it was dead or alive. Dead, she was informed.
“How do you know?”, she asked. “Because I pissed in his ear and it didn’t move,” said the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!?”, the teacher squealed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went’pssst’ and he didn’t move.”

Write in the dark

“Dad, can you write in the dark?”
“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”
“Your name on this report card.”