Several cannibals were recently hired by a big corporation. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.
“You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.”
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?”
A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Managers and no noticed anything, but nooooo, you had to go and eat a secretary”
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that’s what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that’s what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
“Boss, I’ve got to have a raise,” the salesman said to his sales manager. “There are three other companies after me.”
“Is that a fact?” the manager asked. “What other companies are after you?”
“The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company”.
Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way…
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. “I know how to get some time off work the man whispered.”
“How?” asked the second worker.
Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. “Look!” he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.
Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head’s office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.
“I’m a light bulb” answered the public servant.
“I think you need some time off”, barked the Director. “Get out of here – that’s an order – and I don’t want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?”
“Yes sir”, the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.
The second worker was hot on his heels.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the boss asked.
“Home,” he said lightly. “I can’t work in the dark”.