Ploughman
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

Looking for a job

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few
questions….

Officer: What’s 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde
says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”

Appendicitis

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ”You have acute appendicitis.”

The blond yelled at the doctor, ”I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!”

Smart Blonde

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart.

While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room.

He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what’s with her wearing the two coats? She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, “FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!”

Blonde Tricks

A blonde’s redhead decides to show her a neat way to trick people — you put your hand on a wall and ask someone to punch it. But before they do, you pull your hand away!

That is a neat trick, thinks the blonde, and tries desperately to remember it, but isn’t all too successful. Despite this, she decides to try it out on her blonde friend.

Okay, she says, “I’m going to put my hand in front of my face…”

Blonde Skydiver

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

Blonde, brunette and red head

So a blond brunette and a red head walk into a bar and the bartender tells them about a magical mirror in the ladies room. he says if you look into the mirror and tell the truth you will get a prize. but, if you look into the mirror and tell a lie then you will get sucked in forever. So the brunette walks in and says “i think i’m the prettiest girl in the bar.” she ends up getting a million dollars. So the red head walks into the bathroom and looks in the mirror and say, “i’m the smartest girl in the bar” and she gets a corvette. Then the blond walks in and looks into the mirror and says “i think…” and immediately gets sucked into the mirror.

Having a baby

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father!?!”

Knock Knock …

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Oops I did it again!