A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?”
The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”

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Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.

My son, the first one says, “started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!”

My son, said the second, “started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!”

My son, said the third, “started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock.”

Well, the fourth guy said, “my son’s turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He’s a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday.”

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A radical Muslim cleric walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll it be?”

The cleric responds, “A gruesome puddle of your filthy infidel blood!”

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Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best sex in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off andbellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!” Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far endof the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom liked it!” Finally the guy interrupts. “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk!”

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A man traveling on business, walks into a local pub, sits down and asks the bartender for a shot of 25 year old scotch.

The bar keep looking to have a little fun, and make a few extra dollars, pours the guy a shot of bar brand scotch.

The businessman taking his first sip, realizes this is not what he ordered, calls over the bartender. “Excuse me, do you remember what I ordered”.

“Why certainly sir”, says the bartender, “You wanted a shot of 25 year old scotch”.

“That is correct”, replies the customer. “The scotch you served, can’t be more than 2 years old”.

The bartender apologies, and goes off to correct his mistake. A little upset for being caught, the bartender again tries to fool his customer, by pouring him a shot of 12 year old scotch.

After his first taste of the scotch, he immediately again knew, this was not the beverage of his choice.”

So once again, he calls over the bartender, to verify his drink order. “Bartender, can you tell me again what I ordered”.”

“Yes sir, you ordered a shot of my 25 year old scotch”.

“Again that is correct”. But unfortunately, the scotch you served is not more than 12 years old”.

At this point he bartender is impressed, and realizes the guy is a true connoisseur of scotch whiskey, and goes off to get his 25 year old scotch.”

With savoring only a few drops, the man knew he finally got what he ordered, and comments to the bartender, “Now this is, 25 year old scotch”.

The local drunk who witnessed everything, turns to the businessman and says, “Hey buddy, try this drink.”

The traveler not wanting any trouble, takes the glass from the drunk, and gives a taste. Immediately, the guy spits it out, and screams, “My god man, this is urine”.

“Thats right”, yells the drunk, “But How Old am I”.

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