Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”

After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices: Either I maul you to death or I have sex with you.” Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it Bob, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

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Q: Where did the sheep get its haircut?
A: The ba-ba shop

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An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
“I Don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

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A pair of birds were sitting on a branch of a tree when they see a turtle run past them, jump off the branch and flap his arms as hard as he can. He falls to the ground. The poor turtle repeats this process numerous times, and then one bird says to the other “dear, do you think we should tell him he’s adopted?”

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There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he’d never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o’clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, “Why can’t I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it.”

Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn’t understand. About a week later, he’d worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went “ape” and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone’s front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he’d lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, “Tag! You’re it!”

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