During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, “I know I’m in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!”
“The crackers are complimentary,” the voice to the other end cooly explained. “I believe you are complaining about your room number.”

A little boy is doing his math homework and while he’s working out his sums he says to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…”
His mother hears what he’s saying and gasps, “What are you doing?”
“I’m doing my maths homework.” The boy replies.
“And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asks.
“Yes,” he answers.
Infuriated, the next day the mother asks the teacher, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
“He’s learning addition.” The teacher replies.
“And are you teaching him to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?” Ask the mother?
After the teacher stops laughing, she answers, “No. No. What I taught him was, two plus
two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband enquired as he entered the room.
“Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”