Q:What did the elephant say when it saw a dead ant?

Q: What did the elephant say when it saw a live ant?

An Israeli doctor said, ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks’.

A German doctor said, ‘That’s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks’.

A Russian doctor said, ‘In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks’.

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said ‘Hah!. We can take two arseholes out of Scotland, put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours.’

Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women’s husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, “These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!”

“That’s nothing” said the other husband, “Mine came back with a card stuck to her ar*e that said…..

*’From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you.*’”

Q. Why can’t Bill Clinton work at KFC?
A. He can’t keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.