Salt water puns are a bunch abalone.
She had a sweet disposition until the bitter end.
She beat him to the garden by pre-seeding him.
When old story tellers die they are mythed.
Sign on a broken perfume bottle, “Out of odor”.
Did you hear about the very old lady named Anne Teak?
Show me someone in denial and I’ll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.
Having children is a heir raising experience.
Since my uncle got married I’ve had no use for nuance.
His qualifications as a math teacher didn’t add up.
She wore a new hairpiece every day and was considered a big wig.
Thieves kidnapped the prized Asian ape because they believed in gibbon take.
She was always calling for her twins, “on the double.”
Should we watch the Swiss?’. ‘Of quartz we should.’
Should old people feel youthless?
Thieves have muscles of steal.
A book store and clothing store merged under the name text-aisles.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.
When he got out of jail he drove to an intersection because he wanted a turning point.

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

“Your Honor,” he said, ” I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in his blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty!’ So your Honor, I can not possibly stay on this jury!”

With a tired annoyance, the judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer.”

http://www.easyout.co.uk/webcam-cern/

This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was cold and wet and no cars went by.

The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stopped. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door, and only then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel!

The car starts going again, very slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray and begs for his life. Just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and turns the wheel.

The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared each time the car approached a curve. Gathering his strength, he gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town.

Wet and in shock, he goes into a cantina, asks for two shots of tequila and starts telling verybody about the horrible experience he just went through. A silence enveloped everyone when they realized the guy was crying hysterically and wasn’t drunk.

About a half hour later, two other guys walk into the same cantina and one said to the other, “Mira, Pedro. That’s the Pendejo that got in the car while we were pushing it!”