A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, “All lawyers are a**holes!” He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.

Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, “Take that back.”

The biker says, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”

“No, I’m an a**hole.”

Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder!

Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts!

Did you hear about the blonde who died drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.

Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned?
They were riverdancing.

Did you hear about Dolly Parton passing out on stage?
It took four guys to carry her off — two abreast.

Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viagra to the old men living there?
It’s to keep them from rolling out of bed.

Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide rights to Viagra?
He’s renaming it MICROHARD.

Did you hear about the X-rated murder mystery?
In the end, everybody did it!

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen?
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

William and Mildred were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. William brushed her off rather rudely.

Mildred objected, “William, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude.” “Mildred, she’s a prostitute.” “I don’t believe you. That sweet young thing? “Let’s go up to our room and I’ll prove it.” In their room, William called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217. “Now,” he said, “you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?” She did.

Soon, there was a knock on the door. William opened it and Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. “So, I see you’re interested after all,” she said. William asked, “How much do you charge?” “$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services.” William was taken aback. “$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25.” Candie laughed derisively. “You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price.” “Well,” said William, “I guess we can’t do business. Goodbye.”

After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. “I just can’t believe it.” William said, “Let’s forget it. We’ll go have a drink, then eat dinner.” At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Candie came up behind William pointed slyly at Mildred, and said, “See what you get for $25?”

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Oops I did it again!