A baby seal walks into a club.

I’ll repeat myself. A baby seal walks into a club.

Yo daddy is like a mounds bar — he’s got no nuts.
Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a broken condom.
Yo daddy is so dumb that he went to court and when the judge said, “Order in the court!” he said, “Let me get an order of chicken wings and french fries.”
Yo’ daddy is so fat the only train he can travel is the GRAVY TRAIN.
Yo daddy is so poor he can’t even pay attention.
Yo’ daddy’s so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; “Dat’s Dem”. The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help.

Yeah, we”ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere, says Mick, “Put dem in a pepper bag”

The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick’s van
and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.

Dis looks loike a grand place, says Mick.

He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed
by a loud “Splat!”

As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head.

Focket Dat, Paddy says, “dis budgie jumpin’ is too dangerous for me…”

A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar “pepper bag.”

Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.

Watch this Paddy he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff.
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Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement.