A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his Mom is cooking and says, “Mom, the last few nights I have woke up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I look to see what it is, you’re sitting on top of Dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that? “The startled mother tries to recover quickly and says, “Your Dad is a little overweight and I’m trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him. “The little kid just shakes his head and says, “You’re wasting your time. When you go to work, the lady next door comes over and blows him right back up again.”

It’s! just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?

Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

http://www.georgebushdrunk.com/

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul was met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St Peter. “Before you get settled in, it seems we have a problem. You see, as you can imagine, we’ve never had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman.

“Sorry, we have rules…” And with that St Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner with wines of the best. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute)and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator opened at the Pearly Gates and she found St Peter waiting for her. She spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now choose your eternity,” he said.

The woman replied: “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.” So St Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and smiled. “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff…”