A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. “Well, did you see this?”
“Yes,” motioned the monkey.
“What happened?”
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
“They were drinking?” asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
“They were smoking marijuana?”
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“What else?” The monkey motioned “kissing.”
“They were kissing, too?” asked the astounded officer.
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked.”
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“What were you doing during all this?”
“Driving” motioned the monkey.

Animals | Email to a friend | 446 views

BBC News 24
Karen Bowerman interviewed Guy Kewney, well not exactly it was his taxi driver??

News & Politics | Email to a friend | 666 views

The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.
One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning, Vicar, how be you and the wife?”
The Vicar said, “Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also. I left her in bed smoking.”
The villager said, “Arr, Vicar, that’s the way to f*** ‘em!”

Religion | Email to a friend | 327 views

Yo’ mama is so fat she jumped up and when she came down she knocked the earth out of orbit!!!

Yo mamma’s so fat, she tripped on 4th Avenue and landed on 12th.

Yo mama’s so fat, first she filled the bathtub, then she turned on the water.

Yo mama is so ugly, your dad only takes her out on October 31st.

Yo mama is so fat, she put on a yellow raincoat and all the kids yelled, “here comes the school bus.”

Yo mama is so fat, she uses pillowcases for socks.

Yo mama’s so ugly, when she was born her mama said, “what a treasure,” and her daddy said, “yeah, let’s bury it.”

Yo Mama’s breath is so bad, she could clear a chat room.

Yo mama’s so fat, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

Yo mama’s so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.

Yo mama’s so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she get an estimate.

Yo mama is so fat that the back of her neck looks like a package of hot dogs.

Yo mama’s so fat, she sells shade.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

Yo mama is so fat that when she dances, the band skips.

Insults | Email to a friend | 367 views

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, Honey, can I have a quickie?

The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women’s rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, “George, its pronounced ‘quiche’.”

News & Politics | Email to a friend | 264 views