A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explains,” I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.” The blonde says, “Don’t worry.” She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops off out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands,” What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?” The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, “Hey, I know you’re hungry, too. Why don’t you eat some of this cat?”

“Hell no!!!” replies the second bum, “That cat’s been dead for days, he’s all stiff and cold and smelly!”

The first bum says, “Okay, suit yourself,” and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, “Oh, I don’t feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat.”

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, “Now you’re talkin’! It’s been months since I had a WARM meal!!!”

ARSENAL F.C.
END OF SEASON DINNER DANCE

Starter
Egg on Face
Seasoned Hash
Frogs legs (past their best)
Spanish Surprise (well beaten)

Main course
Humble Pie
Chump Chops
French (has) Beans
Manager’s Beef (not rare)
Catch of the Day – big lemon Sol (gutted)
NB: everything is imported, nothing is home grown.

Dessert
Sour Grapes (may be hard to swallow)
Fruitless Tarts
Raspberry Fools
Hard Cheese

Drinks
Bitter
Little Spirit
French Whine
Cabernet Empty 2006
Champagne – sorry none ordered
STRICTLY NO DOUBLES OR TREBLES

NB: drinks should be consumed from glasses as there will be no cups this year.

Guest speaker:
Sir Alex Ferguson – “What it’s like to win the European Cup”

Please note that the club’s European Tour for the season 2006-07 is not guaranteed.