A man goes golfing with his friend, Harry. He arrives home several hours late. His wife asks, “What took you so long?” He replies, “Oh, Ethel, it was an horrible afternoon! On the third hole, Harry had a heart attack and died on the spot!” Ethel says, “Oh, darling! It must have been awful for you!” The husband replies, “It was hell! Fifteen holes of ‘hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…’”

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When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, “Fly in leather,” it came out in Spanish as “Fly naked.”

Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”

Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” sounds much more interesting in Spanish: “It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate.”

Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name “Pavian” to suggest French chic…but “pavian” means “baboon” in German.

A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.

When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan “finger lickin’ good” came out as “eat your fingers off”

When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of “v” is f – which in German is the guttural equivalent of “sexual penetration.”

Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, “Avoid Embarrassment – Use Quink” into Spanish as “Evite Embarazos – Use Quink”…which also means, “Avoid Pregnancy – Use Quink.”

When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, “Pepsi Brings You Back to Life” pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave.”

In Italy, a campaign for “Schweppes Tonic Water” translated the name into the much less thirst quenching “Schweppes Toilet Water.”

Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn’t until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax,” depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with “ko-kou-ko-le” which translates roughly to the much more appropriate “happiness in the mouth.”

Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that “Puff” in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren’t too fond of the name either, as it’s a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.

The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. “No va” means “it doesn’t go” in Spanish.

Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that “Pinto” is Brazilian slang for “tiny male genitals.” Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with “Corcel” which means horse.

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA – with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside since most people can’t read.

In the French part of Canada, Hunt-Wesson introduced its “Big John” products as “Gros Jos.” It later found out that the phrase is slang for “big breasts.”

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A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom.
When she opened the door, she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
“What are you doing?” she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, “I’m 35 years old and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.
“What are you doing?” he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, “I’m 35 years old and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching TV with the vibrator buzzing away beside him on the couch.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked.
He replied, “Watching football with my son-in-law.”

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An avid male golfer’s buddies were going to be out of town for the weekend so he decided to go down to the golf course and see if any group might need a fourth member. Sure enough there were three women and they were glad to have him join them.
Since he was the guest, they decided to let him tee off first. The man teed off and his ball sliced badly to the right and landed in a sand trap. The man immediately exclaimed “Oh s**t!”
One of the women reminded him that he was playing with three ladies and not his male buddies and that ladies do not appreciate that kind of language. The man promptly apologized and promised it would not happen again.
The woman who had spoken to him about the cursing then teed off and her ball hit a tree and then caromed off into the same sand trap. She immediately said “Oh s**t!”
The man spoke up and said that he realized he was a guest but it seemed like there was a double standard in that the woman used the same word that he was told he should not use.
The woman quickly replied, “There’s no double standard. Your ball didn’t hit the f*****g tree!”

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