A jewish man calls his jewish mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?”

“Not too good,” says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”

The son says, “Why are you so weak?”
She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”

The man says, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”

Religion | Email to a friend | 287 views

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!”

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied “Listen, I’m a Christian, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 249 views

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up,and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said “You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’
And I said ‘I careered off the road.

Quickies | Email to a friend | 435 views

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Quickies | Email to a friend | 558 views

Customer: “Waiter, waiter, do you have frog’s legs?”
Waiter: “Certainly, Sir!”
Customer: “Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!”

Quickies | Email to a friend | 370 views