A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke. So the brunette said she would check the blonde’s e-mail for her. The blonde said, ”Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.”

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. “How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?”
“He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”
“Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?”
“He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died.”
“Oh, how terrible! I’m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.”
“He died of a broken neck.”
“A broken neck?”
“He wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says ” I vish to buy sex vit you ”

“OK” says the girl, “I’ll charge 100 dollars an hour”

“Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky”

“No problem” she replies cautiously, “I can do a little kinky” So off they go to the girl’s flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

“I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs..”

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

“Now you vill get on your hans and knees.”

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

“You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you.”

She finds all this very odd, but figures it’s harmless, and the guy is paying.

The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath. Finally she gasps “That was totally amazing……. what do you call that? “Ah”, says the German, “Four-sprung duck technique”

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, “hey, you”ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It”s driving me nuts.”